Dear Single and Happy

https://hamerstrap.wordpress.com/2018/02/20/dear-single-and-happy/

Thank you for not being an annoyance to my world. For not wearing matching t-shirts which shout that the person next to you ‘is yours’.

For not pretending to be excited about those monthly, weekly and daily anniversaries which no one cares about.

Thank you for not polluting the environment with the sounds of those saccharin dipped pet names. And for letting ‘Boo’ be something which ghosts use to scare people.

Thank you for not choking my social media feed with photos, half of which are covered by your stretched out arm, and the other half by your partner’s awkward back.

Thank you for not writing captions which make me cringe, and get goosebumps which last a lifetime. And a special thank you for not sharing posts which say things like – “Real lovers fart together.” Because if I ever have to hear air coming out of a place other than someone’s nose. I’ll break their neck.

And for attending our monthly get-togethers and not getting any uninvited guests who make us all awkward. Man, don’t you hate it when you can’t gossip or abuse in peace?

Thank you for not having your hands glued to someone else’s 24×7. Because howsoever pretty they look from a distance, in reality, they sweat. And probably stink. Much like those people in love.

Thank you for joining me in those meaningless deep conversations where we discussed the life purpose of pigeons for hours on end.

So today, as I scroll through my feed, pitying myself for being single, I spot you, My Lighthouse in the ocean of love filled the darkness. #Mylovewhodon’tevenexist

Thank you for telling me that the world doesn’t end if you’re not involved in a romantic facade with someone.

And for being the way you are.
Sometimes I wish we were dating. Then I remind myself that probably your hands sweat too. Ugh.

Unromantically yours,
An Almost Proud Single.